'In between jobs'

I am now officially 'in between jobs'

I received the news today, my company had decided to not extend my probation period and I am to leave the company with effect on 30th September 2005, which is next week. frankly saying, I was never really interested in my job anyway, and I have sort of expected this to come sooner or later.

So I have 1 week to bum around the office and start looking for jobs again. i year ago, I probably won't give a shit whether I'm working or not? Not working means I'll be bumming at home. But the situation has changed, dramatically. I have bigger esponsibilities now, I have to pay for the car, deal with the car's petrol myself, and other shit that I don't even bother to think about last time.

I'm scanning through the employment section of The Star today, and found a few companies hiring AEs. I supposed I'm going to stick to the communications field or work, advertising, PR, events and stuff. The whole world is telling me that marketing is definitely a better paying job than the shit I'm doing now, but I don't think I want to branch into another field just yet. People have been telling me that it's OK to do other jobs, and it's not neccessary to work what you studie. But my answer is why bother studying for something if you don't plan to work in that field? I might as well take up a degree in marketing if I were to end up in marketing anyway. I think I'll stick to my own field, its probably the only field where my passion is, don't bother to work for the sake of working.

I'm expecting at least a month of bumming at home, unemployed before I can find another job. It's not going to be easy, but luckily with this month's salary and the combined allowances for the past few rounds is able to support me for a few months before I can start earning normal salary again, as long as I don't overspend; which means no more Hot Wheels for the next few months, and I have to put my camera on hold until I can afford it effortlessly again.



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Before this, I was: Reading blogs

Currently listening to: Machi - Hey Baby

Currently feeling: Sad, bored, restless

I'm bored...

Got back from Kangar on Monday evening, I swear that was the furthest I've travelled in a car all my life, to and fro KL - Kangar - KL had a combination of over 24 hours. The race was the usual hoos and has, so nothing great, except maybe you consider soaking in the bloody rain 2 days in a row is great.

Realizing that the last race was the last race of the season before the finals wasn't really a cheery though, it literally means stuck in the office for the next few months and not to mention no more event allowance for the next few months.

Eversince I got back from Kangar, I felt extremely bored, like there isn't any interesting thing to do at all. This post should've been up 2 days ago, but I'm just too bored to blog. TV wasn't as interesting anymore, yam char with the guys are filled with bored silence, hell, even GTA: San Andreas wasn't interesting anymore. I think I know what I need, a new game. Yeah, Dungeon Siege 2; the one I've been planning to play for sometime, but haven't got there yet.

And I think to do something interesting soon. Vacation; no time, no money, hold on to this first, clubbing; this I can do anytime, if I can find someone to go with me that is, drinking; yeah, this is definitely not a problem, but again, if I can find anyone to go with me that is. Joe is a fucking emo when it comes to beer, and David; being an Irish, doesn't drink beer. Maybe we should go Finnigan's, he should feel right at home there.

Here's an example how bored I am, as most of you know, I don't really enjoy online flash games at all, not even Yahoo! Games. But for the last few days, I've been indulging myself in a simple, yet mind boggling puzzle game. I found it via Lainie's blog, the bloody game is so simple, it's frustrating to play; it takes only 10 clicks of the mouse to complete the game, but it depends on which icon you click first to start a different chain reaction. The game's called Grow Cube, I'm sure some of you might recognize the Grow game that was a fad sometime ago, the one with the big red ball and click on icons to make it 'grow', well, this is a cube. Check it out here, I already found the combination to win the game, took me over 2 days though.

Had an overdose of fairy dust lately, no, not that fairy dust. But Joyce aka KinkyBlueFairy, been reading her blog quite frequently these few days, mainly because most other blogs are just not as interesting lately, and her blog seems to be quite a fun read.

Had a sudden craving of coffee right now; Starbucks Mocha Frappucino. Might be going to Mid Valley later after work, wanted to get Dungeon Siege 2, and since I'm there, coffee too, and maybe a Hotwheels or two, or more...



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Before this, I was: Reading the fairy's blog

Currently listening to: Silence

Currently feeling: Bored, sleepy, still emo

Birth month

I got this in some forwarded email in my inbox just now and since I'm damned free now, I'll say something about it.

MARCH

* Attractive personality (Am I? I think I am...)

* Affectionate (I agree with this)

* Shy and reserved (Yeah, not all the time, but mostly true)

* Secretive (Yeah, I have tons of deep, dark secret that only a bottle of Veritaserum can reveal)

* Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic (Naturally, but sadly, I'm polluted)

* Loves peace and serenity (Most of the time, but there are also times where I appreciate some noise)

* Sensitive to others (Am I? You tell me)

* Loves to serve others (You wish is my command mistress)

* Not easily angered (Now this is very NOT true)

* Trustworthy (If you think you can trust me, you're right)

* Appreciative and returns kindness (When I felt like it)

* Observant and assess others (Yeah, I like to 'observe' things)

* Revengeful (Do me wrong and you suffer)

* Loves to dream and fantasize (Very TRUE, refer to my previous post)

* Loves travelling (Yup)

* Loves attention (I'm an attention whore)

* Hasty decisions in choosing partners (Sadly, this is true)

* Loves home decors (As long as they're minimalist)

* Musically talented (I listen to music, yes)

* Loves special things (I do appreciate 'those special moments')

* Moody (Very true indeed)

Does this means that everyone born in the month of March all shares the same traits? This really do means that our lives are governed by the stars and our destiny are pre-determined even before we're born. Freaky...

P/S: Woah! This is the fifth post for the day, waiting for my boss to come back from meeting to go Kangar. Oh, and this is the 50th post in my blog. Whee!!



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Before this, I was: checking my email

Currently listening to: Silence

Currently feeling: Bored, Lazy, Sleepy, Emo

Future

Have you ever wondered how your future is going to look like? Have you dreamt of a perfect future? Fantasized a perfect life? Planned the perfect steps? I have a dream, or fantasy, depends on how you look at it.

I'm working in an advertising / event company, a managerial status, or maybe be my own boss. I'll be driving a tuner car, or a cool 4WD. My company is a very pleasant and open place, where everybody can share a good joke anytime and everybody treat each other more like friends rather than colleagues. My home would likely be an apartment, or a condo, and I'd prefer it to be a studio home. It's going to be minimally furnished and simple deco, mostly dark, relaxing colors and cool interiors. Of course, I'll dedicate a room for my books, and my Hotwheels collection, of which I've probably reached the thousand mark. Of course, the woman of the house will be there; maybe my co-habitating / stay here occasionally girlfriend; or my wife. I might get married early, who know? shit happens.

My fantasy basically revolves around two important factors of my life; career and family. Noticed I put career first? I believe that without career, there would be no family, I don't know any girl who would be with a job-less guy, those only happens on TV.

My career right now is like a humpty-dumpty on the fucking wall, he might fall down anytime. I'm still not confirmed in this company, and already I'm hating my job. I want to stay in the advertising / event management industry, I love this industry and is probably the only job I can do with passion, and not working for the sake of working. I'm likely to change my job soon, if I can find one that is. But one thing for sure is that I won't be going anywhere unless I secured another job first. Unless they fire me of course, or decided not to confirm me.

I'm too young to think about family right now, I don't even have a girlfriend damned it. But I do hope I'll find myself a decent girl soon, I've been single for too bloody long now. Somehow it struck me that every girl I like does like me to a certain degree, but refused to proceed into a more meaningful relationship. Did I do anything wrong to cause such reaction? I wish I knew...

Inspired by Joe



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Before this, I was: reading Joe's blog

Currently listening to: Silence

Currently feeling: Bored, lazy, Sleepy, Emo

Shouldn't have...

There are many thing that you do that'll make you regret later in life, things that you shouldn't have done in the first place. But we do things out of compulsion, out of impulse and without thinking. We do things to amuse ourselves, to satisfy our own curiosity, for pleasure.

Shouldn't have said what I said...Shouldn't have stolen that thing...Shouldn't have joined them...Shouldn't have joined the fight...Shouldn't have kicked his ass...Shouldn't have stayed when everybody runs...Shouldn't have joined that class...Shouldn't have met you...Shouldn't have talk to you...Shouldn't have fallen for you...Shouldn't have that crushed feeling...Shouldn't have bought that...Shouldn't have gone there...Shouldn't have did that

Inspired by Tekhnikolorprojektor

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Before this, I was: Typing my previous blog post

Currently lietening to: Silence

Currently feeling: Reflective

I can't wait......

There are so many things you want to do at the same time, but it seems like theres always not enough time to do anything. Time is like a grain of sand in the Sahara, there are too many of it that you take it for granted, but you only realized you're running out of it when you're in need of them. Time never wait for anyone, we grow older every second as time goes by. I remember like it was yesterday that I'm going for my first race in Melaka back then, and today I'm going off to the the last race of the season before the finals in December. There are so many things I want to do now, things I can't wait...

I can't wait to go to sleep

I can't wait to read my Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the third time

I can't wait for the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie to come out

I can't wait to see Cho Chang in the movie

I can't wait to see Hermione in the movie

I can't wait to give Joe a good kick in the ass, just for the heck of it

I can't wait to shoot Nelsen, just for pure satisfaction

I can't wait to get my hands on Jack Kerouac's Big Sur

I can't wait for the next Clive Cussler book to come out

I can't wait for the race to over

I can't wait to go home after the race

I can't wait for the race season to over

I can't wait for the next season to begin

I can't wait to go another eating spree with Joe

I can't wait to get drunk, of which I haven't done in the past few years

I can't wait to go shopping again

I can't wait for my third pair of Osiris

I can't wait for my new pair of Nike Air Force One I'm planning to buy

I can't wait to go for a vacation

I can't wait to go to the museum, which I haven't went since primary school

I can't wait to go Aquarius in KLCC
I can't wait to go Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

I can't wait to get out of town

I can't wait for lunch time

I can't wait for my next Starbucks Grande Mocha Frappucino, with extra whip cream

I can't wait to go to a banana leaf Indian food session with the guys

I can't wait for a Secret Recipe cheesecake

I can't wait to see her again

I can't wait to receiver her SMS

I can't wait to talk to her

I can't wait to hear her voice

I can't wait to see her new boyfriend...

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Before this, I was: printing out the race schedule

Currently listening to: Silence

Currently feeling: Emo, Creative, Artsy

Crossroad

Remember that crossroad I mentioned? Well, I've explored the few options I can take, one is blocked by a huge boulder; one has potholes the size of a schmuck (don't ask) and another is windy, but looked clear, although I can see some obstacles in the distance.

Received a rather shocking piece of news today, it pretty much confirms that issue, the issue I refused to believe, until today. The sources of the news are very convincing, one is a collegue and another is the pet brother; both my good friends. I guess I can believe them.

What should I do? I can't really sit at the crossroad forever can I? I can either climb the bloody boulder, and risking breaking my back; jump the potholes, and risking dead; or I can continue the windy road and pray the obstacles along the way are no big deal.

I'm going off to Kangar today (Thursday) for the race, and is coming back on Monday. Working is good, at least working keeps the mind occupied to the job at hand and keeps it from wandering too far.



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Before this, I was: reading Shaolin Tiger's blog

Currently listening to: Dan Hill - It's A Long Road (Rambo: First Blood OST)

Currently feeling: Sad, lazy, confused

Emo and booze don't mix

Went to Reta's campaign launch this morning in Taylor's College, at the old campus. A STD awareness campaign for her final year assignment, the same as my own snatch theft pervention campaign back then. It really made me missed college, not because of the assignments, nor the exams, nor the classes, but the chicks. *Grin* the first thing to hit me when I walk into the campus are the chicks, haven't seen so many chicks in one place since college. *Drools*

Planned to go happy hours at Bar Flam with Joe and David after work today, but when we're all done, its passed 8 and the hours aren't too happy anymore, at least not to our wallets. We ended up at Min Tien for dinner and Joe ordered a bottle of beer. But I refused to drink because, well, let's just say my conscience took over me. You see, experience told me that emo and booze don't mix, I'm not feeling too cheery at that time, and if fueled with booze, I might go overboard with the emo shit and do a Joe. We tried to call her to join us, but she's sorta busy, that's probably another reason to add to my less-than-cheery feeling at the time.

Earlier today, Joe sort of told me that she is seeing somebody at the moment, probably that's the reason why she broke up with th brit fella, but I guessed I'll never know. But once again, I refused to believe it, just like when Yee May and the other girls gossipped about her and another guy, I refused to believe it.

I'm at a crossroad now, do I continue to go for her, or should I give up? I've been at this crossroad before, so many times that if there's an attendant at this crossroad, we're probably best buddies by now. But being at this crossroad numerous times doesn't mean I know where to go, I'm still lost and stuck at this crossroad, pondering whichpart to take. Can anyone help me? Anyone have a map or something? I guess not.



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Before this, I was: taking a bath, just got home

Currently listening to: Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul

There goes another weekend

Woohoo!!

It's Monday 'very early' morning!!

FUCK!!

Damned, there goes another weekend, and I won't be having another weekend for another 2 weeks. Next week I'll be in Perlis for another round of the bloody race. Sigh.

Yesterday was September 11th, one of the darkest day, not only for the Americans, but to mankind as well. I still feel sad when I see images of the victims or the re-run of the footage where the plane hit the building. I still shed a tear or two when I heard Alan Jackson's Where Were You (When the world stop turning), a song he wrote especially for the 9-11 victim's charity concert.

I didn't SMSed her at all today, because I know she'll be at the race the entire day and would probably be tired after that, I might SMS her tomorrow, or maybe even call her. I missed her, is that good or bad? I wish I know... Damned

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Before this, I was: Reading fan fics on Schnoogle.com

Currently listening to: Alan Jackson - Where Were You (When the world stop turning)

Untitled

Yeah, yet another untitled post, simply because there isn't any topic of focus in this post, if I can categorized the blog like Wordpress, it'll be under ramblings.

I just got back not too long ago, went out yamchar with Arthur, a friend of mine who used to work in UK Computer together. Was at the mamak near his place, this fella is available almost all the time and I think he spend more time at that mamak than he is at home.

She's in Penang now, her company is doing some promotion at the Penag Turf Club for a race tomorrow, erm...today (Sunday). I SMSed her a few times and actually called her once, and she replied me. Whee!

OK, so what if she replied your SMS? What so great about someone replying your SMS? You daft or something? People reply SMS also so happy? Because I seldom receive SMSes and she's the type who seldom reply SMSes when you SMSed her. Or maybe I'm just happy she SMSed me.

Oh, Nelsen is there too. He got some futsal thingy going on in Penang, and they both stayed at Gurney Hotel, it sort of have a corporate account with the company they work in, so whenever someone from their company goes to Penang, they stay there. I told Nelsen I'll cut off his balls if he does anything funny to her, but I doubt he will anyway...

It's 4am already, I'm tired, bored and sleepy... I think I'll go watch The Godfather part 2.



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Before this, I was: Checking my email (Email me if you want a gmail account!)

Currently listening to: Metallica - The Memory Remains

Dreams shall remain dreams...

Today looked like a happy day in the beginning...


1. Went into office late today because car needed some service.

2. Had a great lunch of hot soup.

3. SMS ed her and she actually replied.

4. Done the paper passes for the Perlis round next week in a single day.

5. Going home no jam.

6. Progressed deeper in Juiced.

7. Saw her online on MSN


.... and her telling me that she's going to Penang for an event on Friday morning.

There goes my plans of asking her out this weekend, so once again, dreams shall remain dreams.


Fuck!



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Before this, I was: Blog surfing, the last blog I visited was Tekhnikolor Projektor
Currently listening to: Extreme - More Than Words

I refused to believe it...

Can't post for the last few days because I was away at Sepang for the 4th round of the ARRC, I do come home every night, but I'm too tired to do anything. The race was OK. Rahim is an idiot, first ever Malaysian to be champion this season and he drugged it away. The race was the same shit as every other races, so there's nothing much for me to talk about, so I shall not...

Let's rewind to the events the day before I went to Sepang. Liek I said in the previous post, we're all going to a get-together at Yee May's place on Merdeka day, and she's supposed to come to, but have to go off early. Well, that's not the case... The party started rather well with me arriving late with almost all the vital ingredients, including the pot. Anyway, she and Monica was late, she had to accompany her grandaunt at the rehab center because her grandaunt was just discharged from the hospital not long ago. OK, good enough a reason. Monica on the other hand, was plain bitch, that's all I have to say...

Nonetheless, she arrived when we're all done eating and is sitting around playing cards, Monica arrived slightly earlier than her, but let's not talk about that bitch. Anyway, girls really have a way of digging out scandals when they're together. They asked her whether she got a new boyfriend already, and when she kept quiet, they all automatically jumped to conclusion that she does. Which left me whacked and lost the next 4 rounds of cards in a row, luckily there's no money involved. I just kept quiet and melancholy the entire day after that.

After the party, me and David went to Mid Valley, or rather I wanted to go Mid Valley and somehow coaxed him to join me. Call it escapism if you want, but I just want to do something to keep my mind occupied and not to think other 'unneccessary' issues. I SMSed her when I was at MV, and she did reply, even even mentioned she'll gimme a call later that day, which she never did...

I SMSed her on Saturday night, wondering if she's asleep and wanted to have a chat, but she never replied, or rather, she replied, but I only received it the next morning, because she replied me at 4 in the morning. I didn't reply her when I saw it in the morning, thinking that since she's still awake at 4am, I'll let her sleep without inteference. I replied her later that afternoon from the circuit, she mentioned that she never went home and stayed over at her colleague's place, and the fact that she's still there when I replied her in the afternoon.

I can't help it but wonder if that 'colleague' was just another girl-friend of hers from work, or is it her new boyfriend? Although I refused to think that it might be a guy, but the question remains, and I dare not ask her. I refused to believe that she got a new boyfriend.

I know some of my friends might tell me that as long as she's not married to him, I still stand a chance. But call me stupid, or dumb, or whatever fuck you want, but I stick to my principle that I will never go for a girl who is attached. I know how it felt like having my girlfriend choosing another man over me, and I don't want other to feel the way I felt when that happened.

Does she know I like her? I mean, she did knew that I liked her before she's attached to that Brit fellow, but does she know I like her still? Most of my friends knew I never quite stopped liking her even when she's attached to that Brit fellow. I think even the girls know I like her. But does she know?

Like I said, I don't want to rush this relationship, I wished that it will develop slowly without any rushed decisions, a mistake that I've commited too many times before. But if she's really liking someone and I didn't take any action now, I might lose her forever, for the 2nd time... Damned



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Before this, I was: Playing Juiced (Bloody difficult game)

Currently listening to: Azmyl Yunor - Serotonin Blues