I refused to believe it...

Can't post for the last few days because I was away at Sepang for the 4th round of the ARRC, I do come home every night, but I'm too tired to do anything. The race was OK. Rahim is an idiot, first ever Malaysian to be champion this season and he drugged it away. The race was the same shit as every other races, so there's nothing much for me to talk about, so I shall not...

Let's rewind to the events the day before I went to Sepang. Liek I said in the previous post, we're all going to a get-together at Yee May's place on Merdeka day, and she's supposed to come to, but have to go off early. Well, that's not the case... The party started rather well with me arriving late with almost all the vital ingredients, including the pot. Anyway, she and Monica was late, she had to accompany her grandaunt at the rehab center because her grandaunt was just discharged from the hospital not long ago. OK, good enough a reason. Monica on the other hand, was plain bitch, that's all I have to say...

Nonetheless, she arrived when we're all done eating and is sitting around playing cards, Monica arrived slightly earlier than her, but let's not talk about that bitch. Anyway, girls really have a way of digging out scandals when they're together. They asked her whether she got a new boyfriend already, and when she kept quiet, they all automatically jumped to conclusion that she does. Which left me whacked and lost the next 4 rounds of cards in a row, luckily there's no money involved. I just kept quiet and melancholy the entire day after that.

After the party, me and David went to Mid Valley, or rather I wanted to go Mid Valley and somehow coaxed him to join me. Call it escapism if you want, but I just want to do something to keep my mind occupied and not to think other 'unneccessary' issues. I SMSed her when I was at MV, and she did reply, even even mentioned she'll gimme a call later that day, which she never did...

I SMSed her on Saturday night, wondering if she's asleep and wanted to have a chat, but she never replied, or rather, she replied, but I only received it the next morning, because she replied me at 4 in the morning. I didn't reply her when I saw it in the morning, thinking that since she's still awake at 4am, I'll let her sleep without inteference. I replied her later that afternoon from the circuit, she mentioned that she never went home and stayed over at her colleague's place, and the fact that she's still there when I replied her in the afternoon.

I can't help it but wonder if that 'colleague' was just another girl-friend of hers from work, or is it her new boyfriend? Although I refused to think that it might be a guy, but the question remains, and I dare not ask her. I refused to believe that she got a new boyfriend.

I know some of my friends might tell me that as long as she's not married to him, I still stand a chance. But call me stupid, or dumb, or whatever fuck you want, but I stick to my principle that I will never go for a girl who is attached. I know how it felt like having my girlfriend choosing another man over me, and I don't want other to feel the way I felt when that happened.

Does she know I like her? I mean, she did knew that I liked her before she's attached to that Brit fellow, but does she know I like her still? Most of my friends knew I never quite stopped liking her even when she's attached to that Brit fellow. I think even the girls know I like her. But does she know?

Like I said, I don't want to rush this relationship, I wished that it will develop slowly without any rushed decisions, a mistake that I've commited too many times before. But if she's really liking someone and I didn't take any action now, I might lose her forever, for the 2nd time... Damned



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Before this, I was: Playing Juiced (Bloody difficult game)

Currently listening to: Azmyl Yunor - Serotonin Blues