We shall be friends...

It all started during primary school, the very first time I know what's love. No, maybe it's not love, just a simple feeling of wanting to love and care for somebody. But that's ancient history.

Let's jump to sometime slightly more recent, college. College was a great time, the friendship born, the love realized... and lost. My first infatuation during college times was my senior. Yes, my senior in college. No, she's not older, but younger, senior only because she enrolled earlier than me. But that's a small infatuation that led me nowhere. There are more encounters duringcollege that I won't bother even mentioning. The most recent 'encounter' I had is with a friend I met via the internet. She's also the furthest I've ever been in a relationship. But it still ended up in a pool of tears and a heavy heart.

I've lost count how many time my heart is broken in such a short time in my life. So I supposed another won't matter anymore, my heart is already broken beyond repair...

I know you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry I created so much problem to you. But I do hope we can be friends, a good friend.

You said knowing me was your greatest gift? Don't I get a thank you for that gift? You owe me dinner :-) Once again, I'm sorry... we shall be friends.

Love,

Fly

I'm not letting go...

I think what David said in the comment of my last post is correct, I didn't truly mean all
that...

I'm lying to myself, how can one forget someone so easy? I told myself to forget a certain someone from my previous 'relationship', I though I've succeed in forgetting her, but the reality is, I didn't. I still remember the things and time we spend together last time, although I'm quite sure that I've let her go.

What about this time? No, I don't think I'm letting go so easily, I've been too hard to myself and being too generous to others. Why should I be letting go what I loved to others, I'll maintain my stand to the end. When is the end? I don't know... I guess that I'll know when it comes.

If you're reading this, you know who you are. I'm sorry I lied to you, I didn't meant what I said in my last post. You're too special to me for me to let go so easily, I'll continue to pursue our relationship and hope that the best will come...

You might never know...

Hi, you might never read this post, I don't think you even know this blog. But this post is dedicated to you...

I like you, maybe you knew this all along and pretend to be ignorant. Or you just chose to ignore me... I'm happy you found someone you liked, I happy for you, I truly am. I do hope that our friendship will remain even after you and him are together.

You realized I didn't even attempt to stop you when you told me all those things? In a matter of fact, I cheered you on and encouraged you to go for it. 'Better be early than be sorry', I told. Tell him if you like him, or end up like me. Not telling you that I liked you and when you finally found someone else, I'll never have the chance anymore.

You told me that you finally found someone you liked that is suitable for you, I'll be lying if I say I'm not sad. I'm sad, so sad I cried... But I'm happy too, happy for you that you finally found someone, after all your losses, you really deserved him.

Don't worry about me, I'm OK. Will probably be shaken, but I'll be OK. Regret I may be, but I won't blame you, it's my fault, I never told you, how can you know? Promise me, be happy...

Love,

Fly

Let's talk about love...

Jokeless post...

It's raining heavily outside, been raining like this half the day already. I always feel kinda blue during rainy days, and today was no difference, if not blur-er than usual.

You know sometimes when you felt like calling someone you loved to chat with them, feeling really excited and then the person you called told you something you don't want to hear like, "I'm busy now, call back some other time", or "Stop calling me!", or in my case, she telling me "I think I liked someone else", or something along that line. I felt like my heart got ripped out from me and thrown into the deepest abyss.

You see, I've been trying to get to this girl for quite some time already, she's actually an old school friend of mine, knew her for a very long time already, but we lost contact and only recently we met again. Don't ask me how I become to lking her, I wouldn't have the answers for that, I guess it just happens. But the problem is, I liked her, and she doesn't know it.

Most recently, she went to another state up North for a holiday trip, to meet a friend. Little did I know is that she's going to meet a guy friend she met in some forum. She came back today, and told me that she kinad liked that guy, only after meeting him for the first time during the holiday trip.

I always wonder about this thing called 'love at first sight'. Do you agree with it? It happened to me before, me falling in love with someone else and never the vice-versa. Although I've been the 'victim' of love at first sight before, twice. The one I loved liking someone else that they meet at first sight, this would be the third time. I wouldn't be surprised though, I do admit I looked like a land whale. But that's another topic...

This particular person I loved, She wasn't any superb beauty, or a gorgeous chick, she's just normal... normal enough to be attractive and yet not going overboard. But that's another topic too...

I'm now fighting with myself whether to continue this one-sided relationship with her. Hell, I don't think its a relationship at all. This feeling more likely, thias feeling of loving someone with being loved back. I've been treating really nice eversince I met her again recently, so nice it borders to stupidity, as pointed by some of my friends. Is it nice to drive halfway around town to send someone somewhere, and driving back halfway around town sending someone back home, with a gap of a few hours doing nothing? Or is it stupidity?

Loving someone with out being loved back wasn't something new to me, has been happening to me since high school. I'm pobably immune to heart breaks since it has been broken countless times since high school. Lost count to how many girls that I've liked and loved but without response.

What am I to do now? I've been asked this question before, and my answer remains the same. I'll still like and love her as if she's mine, trying to win her back through what I have. That is, if I do decide to continue this 'relationship' with her...

Fireworks...

Boom!

Argh! What the hell happened?

Nothing, its just the fireworks outside...

It scarred the hell outta me!

Coward!

Remember the times when we're kids and fireworks are still legal then? We have enough fireworks to start a war with the neighbor kids.

Today is the 9th day of Chinese New Year, the day the Hokkiens pray to the sky, and fireworks are essential for the ritual.

Did I mentioned that fireworks are banned already?

It's banned! Damned...

Yeah, banned. Even today news featured a guy got fined a couple thousands for owning some fireworks, feaky. But people are still firing up the fireworks like nobody's business outside right now.

Oh well, I'm off to watch the fireworks, 'till next time...

V's Day + One

Hey!

What?

It's my new blog!

What new blog?

This very blog you're reading you git!

Oh this blog... what about it?

Guess what? I have a blog page now! (Duh!) Actually this is not the first time I attempt to start a blog page, this is probably my third or forth time, the previous one flunks.

Today, no, it's yesterday is Valentine's Day or what we affecianately call V's Day. Another year gone, another V's Day gone. Much like every other year, which in another word, its called NOTHING. There's alot of nothing for the past few years during V's Day, wanna hear about it?

No!

Aww... come on, I know you wanna hear about it.

I said NO!

Whatever, this is how it goes...

Last year, that's 2004, I was in Selama, my grandma just passed away at that time, so my entire family went back. Very un-interesting year...

Stop it already!

2003, I'm still in college this year, what happened? Seriously, I can't remember... Is it this year that the Monique issue came up? Or was it 2002? I'm not very sure...

What happened prior to 2003 is a blur to me, amnesia... I lost all my memory. But vaguely, I remember a year that I'm going after Crystal, my senior, I bought a test-tube. Yes a test-tube with some fragrant beans in it and some message, can't remember what's the message. I waited for her at the Subang Square building that housed the Taylor's School of Business, she worked at the library, so I waited for her to finish and presented her the test-tube. Interesting? Maybe... But I can't remember the exact details. Maybe there are something else to it, but I'm not sure...

OK! Enough already of your stupid V's Day memories, nobody wants to know about it!

This year's was kinda fun...Came back from Selama today, it was Chinese New Year last week, so I came back today. Me and David went to watch a movie; 'Shall We Dance' starring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez. Very interesting movie, kinda made wanna start taking dancing lessons. Anyway, so it was a guy's night out, me and David watched the movie, then picked up Nelsen and went to have a drink at the Mamak.

Another issue today...

More?! Damned...

Elsie went off to Penang today, my actual plan was to find her and went for a dinner or something. I did promised to bring her for dinner sometime back then, so I plan to fulfill the promise tonight, in conjunction to V's Day. I also planned to present her with a heart-shaped keychain that I picked up sometime back, no idea who to give it to, so I just bought it and is sitting on my table now. And since it's V's Day, so I though of giving it to her. But she went off to Penang to meet a friend, bah!

Done already?!

Err, I think so...

Good!

OK then, I supposed that's pretty much all I can say for one day.Until next time... Happy Valentine's Day

It's over you dolt! It's passed 12 already, Happy Valentine my arse!

Shut up!

Bah...