Newsflash

News that doesn't matter, among other things...

Police looking for Ayah Pin

JERTEH: Two days after the Sky Kingdom commune here was attacked by a mob, the whereabouts of the cult leader Ariffin Mohamad, 65, better known as Ayah Pin, is still unknown.

Sources revealed that Ayah Pin has escaped to Afghanistan via an underground tunnel network that connects Malaysia to Indonesia and is believed to have boarded a hijacked aeroplane to Afghanistan.

"It's good to have a housemate to be in hiding together with me, and my, is he handsome or what?" Said Osama Bin Laden.

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Help spot the traffic offenders

PUTRAJAYA: The next time you see a traffic offence being committed, snap it – with your handphone or camera – and send the picture to the Hall of Shame section of a newly-launched road safety website.

One week after the launch of the website, a semi-nude photo of a girl, believed to be taken secretly using a hidden camera is loaded into the website. "But she's obstructing traffic!" Claimed the uploader who wished to be anonymous

"We agreed that she's obstructing traffic too, so we posted her picture into the website" Said the website's webmaster, who wished to be anonymous too.

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Meanwhile, in the international scene...

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Man dies afer being sodomised by a stallion

Washington: A man dies after being sodomised by a horse in a barn dedicated to beastiality sex. The man's colon is believed to be ruptured after being pounded rapidly by the stallion's massive reproductive organ.

"It was the dog, he was jealous that the man liked the horse better than the him, I swore I saw the dog poured some aphrodisiac into the stallion's drinking water before the session" Claimed an anonymous witness.

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Ducks may silently pass along bird flu - study

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The bird flu virus that experts fear will jump from birds to humans seems to be mutating yet again, and may be able to hide in healthy-looking ducks, thus putting both other birds and people at risk, experts said on Monday.

"That's right, its time we ducks strikes back, the chickens have hogged the limelight too long" Said an agitated Donal Duck

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Sports...

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Nicol David stuns Grinham

DUISBURG: Malaysia's Nicol David stunned world number one Rachael Grinham in straight games yesterday to win the gold medal in the women's squash competition at the World Games here.

"I'm going to beat that bitch one day, even if that's the last thing I do" Shouted a very bitchy Rachael Grinham in her locker room.