The Flyz's Blog

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's been quite some time...

It's been quite some time...

...since I posted anything worthwhile in here. Nothing meaningful, nothing deep, nothing special. I seem to have lost the inspiration that drives me to blog almost everyday last time, the inspiration to write record down my thoughs and feelings of the day, the inspiration to question certain things in life. I seem to have lost the passion for writing, the passion to record down everything that happened that day.

It's been quite some time...

...since I did anything worthy. I've been extremely busy lately, at the promotion every weekend, working at the shop almost everyday. But it somehow seems like everything I did for the last few months isn't worthy at all, the satisfaction is not there, the fun is not there, even the pay wasn't really visible at all. I've resumed actively seeking for job already, newspapers and websites. The replies aren't really coming in, or maybe not yet. Maybe...

It's been quite some time...

...since I enjoy my life. My life revolves around work recently, works that doesn't really pay much. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself, not the recent Langkawi trip, not mamak sessions, not even the weekly gaming session with the guys. Computer games isn't as fun anymore, reading wasn't as captivating anymore, even the prospect of a relationship doesn't excites me. I get bored at everything easily nowadays, I get angry at everything easily nowadays, I get emo-ed over everything nowadays.

It's been quite some time...

...since I went shopping. I like to buy things, but I can't afford anything at all right now, not even for Christmas. There's alot of things I want to buy, I want a new cap, I want, no wait... I need a new motherboard for the computer, I want new books, I want new casettes. There are tons of things I want, but I can't... This is not a fucking Christmas wish list, those are things I wanted to buy for ages already, but can never afford them. The old company still owes me my allowances for the races, Joe still owes me, I still owe david, I still owe my mom.

There are too many things that's going downhill for me recently, nothing is interesting, nothing is worthy, nothing is worthy, everything is nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living my life correctly? I've managed to change once, I'm sure I can do it again this time. I've been through worst, alot worst. I've pulled through, pulled myself out of the slump, I did it before, or else I'd probably be in prison, or dead by now if I didn't pulled myself through the last time.

There are too many things in life for me to achieve, I can't give up now. I've to work hard, alot harder than I've ever did to achieve those things. Maybe I should set a goal for myself like Joe did, maybe I should just let life takes it course and go where ever it takes me. Maybe I should just end it right here...

Sad to say, I used to believe in suicides, I used to believe deaths solves alot of things, I used to believe that pain can relieve pain. I believe in them no more, I've seen more problems created with death than it solves.

I need new goals
I need a new focus
I need a new direction

The new year is just a mere few weeks away, I don't want to go into the new year like this. There probably isn't enough time to change anything now, but at least I need to know that I won't be like this for too long. A new year, a new life?

Inspired by Joe

Before this, I was: Contemplating my life
Currently listening to: The Doors - The End
Currently feeling: Bored, emo, sad, frustrated, unsatisfied, melancholy


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